New Decade, New Plans....and New Blog!

Go ahead and check the new blog address:

https://peregrinatingpair.blogspot.com/

The Stuff Topic Again

It seems that "stuff" is the theme of my month. That's fine. I've just celebrated a birthday and my mind swirls with a sort of New Year's Resolutions type of thing. What do I want for my year? What is needed? What can be left? Improvements?

This is compounded by moving my MIL into senior housing this week. She isn't ill, or debilitated in any way. She's just planning for a future that may contain both. She made this choice, which both elated us and left us guiltily wondering if she is choosing it to make things easier on us. Monday night was like the eve before you drop off your 18 year old at the college dorm. She's so excited about the social aspects of her new home. And relieved of the daily burdens of cooking, cleaning, laundry, even decision-making she expects to have more energy to do the things she enjoys.

We're taking the moving process slowly, only taking over the bare minimum until she decides how she wants to fill her new space. She has no desire to be overwhelmed by clutter and stress. Thus far her two requests are for hanging files and a mini-fridge. She didn't have much to begin with, since moving back to Alaska two years ago (via airplane) limited her worldly goods already. But more winnowing will occur now.

http://www.womansday.com/relationships/family-friends/a60398/stories-behind-the-stuff-we-keep/

Death Cleaning

Apparently I've been doing it right, and following my ethnic heritage, all along!! It isn't (just) about minimalism, it's about not leaving a mess behind.

http://www.whimn.com.au/live/home/the-new-decluttering-trend-is-called-swedish-death-cleaning-and-we-tried-it/news-story/7d757c405fefdd1d1c021c870aef34d3

This book just sings to me.

I've banged the drum for a long time about stuff and the burdens of stuff. One of those burdens is other people's stuff - when they have passed. I have typically focused more on the paperwork elements. Prior to my travels, and twice since (real estate acquisition, marriage) I have written the standard estate documents. Will, living will, durable power of attorney, and medical power of attorney. Easy to do online, easy to find a notary. It isn't so much that I have much to leave, but why would I leave a mess behind for others to sort out? Examples here:

https://www.gyst.com/

I went further and have also always have an "estate plan" document. Again, it really doesn't tie to money. It has the following useful information:

• Where my will is
• That I am an organ donor
• Where my bank accounts are
• Where and what my insurance policies are
• Where my important documents are 
• What credit cards I have
• Where my passwords are saved
• Who my accountant is
• Who my doctor is
• Who my dentist is
• What my passport number is

You might wonder why any of this is important if you have never lost a loved one, had an estate to settle, had to file someone's final (postmortem) taxes, been appointed an executor, or been through the myriad painful and frustrating details of those roles. At one time in my family we had four relatives in four nursing homes in four states, none of which were the state we lived in. It was an exhausting time. I've had a relative die while traveling abroad. The State Department does a good job, but knowing your passport number is important. I live in a place where people die out in the wild - plane crashes, hiking deaths, bear maulings. Sometimes dental records are how the body is identified (DNA tests take 4-8 excruciating weeks longer).

My tidiness takes many forms. Organization, significance, decluttering. I joined a Buy Nothing group and have enjoyed that method of passing things along. My quarterly swap is coming up in a month. I am taking items to the consignment store.

https://www.seattletimes.com/business/local-business/buy-nothing-project-free-clothes-toys-food-even-a-wedding/

And I am getting The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning from the library.

Christmas is Coming....

And I think I've found the gift to give most of the people on my list.  I just finished reading this book:

It's genius!  As a follow up to Marie Kondo's bestseller about cleaning out the STUFF in your life (yes, I do now fold my shirts, pants, and underwear so they stand upright in the drawers.  But not my socks.) this book focuses on taking stock of the way you spend your time, money, and energy on things that don't matter to you.  It's a good distillation of my beliefs of minimalism, focus, and tossing out.  With a lot of funny profanity and word coinage (Fucknado! Fuckscapade!  Fucksorcism!).  I'm just jealous I didn't write it first.

Now that I'm living a life with a condo, a job, and amongst my family I do hear a lot of angst about being spread too thin, being busy without being fulfilled, and the malaise of everyday life.  I'm certainly on a path that will lead me back to my peregrination lifestyle, albeit this time with a partner.  But I plan to give this book to some in my circle who could perhaps chose to give fewer fucks about things that drain them and cause them anxiety.

Being me, I plan to look in the used book store for copies of this.  It's still in hardcover and I hate paying too much.  I got my copy from the library.  

November

I’m seeing a lot of Facebook posts about being kind to Trump voters, because they voted for him because they are “scared”.  Scared of change, because they are living paycheck to paycheck, manufacturing jobs have gone away, etc.  The list is long.

I’m not even going to go in to the history of lynching, which was supposedly about white women “scared” by black male sexual aggression.

Then there was “Gay Panic” – a legal defense for attacking and killing homosexuals, because hetero men were “scared”.

In my community I hear people say they won’t ride the bus because they are scared of “those people” – primarily Native, lower income residents.  So the bus system is cut because there aren’t enough riders, making it harder for lower income people to get to jobs.  Making unemployment more common.   

Then yesterday we were lauding Veterans.  Completely missing the point that they are the people who bucked up, put on their boots, and did what scared them for the greater good.  To protect our country.

Fear, courage, heroes, cowards.  Make better choices, people.

Oh right, we did this....

Got married.  Party was held in a warehouse, with a taco bar, 80s cover band, margaritas, kegs, burn barrel for s'mores, Mexican chocolate brownies, margarita cupcakes, and mojito jello shots.  Fred showed up with the wood-fired hot tub on a trailer.  Fun times!

Swap

Swap

Unpacking the goods I had stored for the year I traveled, I realized a few things.

·       While I tried very hard to only keep things I liked and were important to me, there was still a lot of junk.

·       Trying to fit things from one home into another space rarely works out well.  Carpets are too big or too small, couches don’t fit, etc.  Virtually all the furniture I brought in the UHaul ended up on Craiglist.  Not that there was a ton of it, but still…. 

One of the things I did right off the bat was organize a girls swap.  I had done the same back in Seattle, but less regularly.  Now, every quarter a gang of us get together, drink wine, and trade clothing, shoes, etc.  Looking in my closet, I can say honestly I have bought less than 1/3 of what is in there.  And because swapping is “free”, if something doesn’t actually work it’s easy to throw it back in the bin to be swapped again.  There was no investment.  How many of us keep things because they are “good” or were expensive, even as we pass them over week after week and never wear them?  I haven’t tried the hanger technique (flip them all around on New Year’s Day and turn them back only once you’ve worn the garment).  But maybe I will as winter sets in….

Living in a Small Space

Since Brian and I moved in together, there has been the usual mingling of household goods.  Furniture got changed.  A television and stereo were added to the home.  The kitchen actually got food in it.

However, with limited storage space I am spending time here and there weeding through my worldly goods.  One of the obvious bulky items – photo albums and loose photos and slides and negatives.  I shipped them all off to:

http://www.scanmyphotos.com/

Threw away a ton of originals. Made copies of the disks for my brother, cousin, etc.  Saved backups in three places.  Called it good.

Getting Older

I’ve been thinking about minimalism, getting older, paring down, and maybe something more like “essentialism”. 

My life has changed dramatically following my 40^th birthday, but primarily in external ways.  I realized this spring that I have changed in the past 4 years:

My name

My address

My phone number

My email address

My workplace

I’ve also been making other, still external but less observable alterations.  All of which, surprisingly, took some consideration. 

1.     I stopped wearing perfume when I discovered I get contact dermatitis – small itchy bumps – from spraying it on.  I love scent.  It connects me to memories and is a subtle daily boost.  But I really don’t like itching.  I did try some organic scents.  Most are only available online, so expensive experimenting led me to very few scents I really wanted to use.  I’ve mostly given up.

2.     I started wearing eye cream.  I don’t do a ton when it comes to beauty products, but that seemed like an easy one.  Small container, slap on once a day.  I am judged by my grooming in my workplace, so there are several things I do now that I look forward to tossing when I hit retirement.

3.     I threw away all my uncomfortable underwear.  By uncomfortable, I mean thong.  This isn’t a diss.  I know many women for whom thong is great.  It has a lot to do with the shape of your hips and your tush.  Really doesn’t work for me.  If someone sees my panty line, it’s not going to kill them.

4.     I determined to not buy any more high heels.  I am slowly weeding the ones I own from my closet.  A few I plan to sell online (hello Fluevog shop!).  But ultimately, I want the freedom to walk anywhere.  I live in an area with a lot of ice.  Heels just don’t make sense to most of my lifestyle.